Whether you have been married for a day, a year or perhaps years, this is an aspect we all ought to think about or perhaps implement in our marriages.
My husband and I have been married coming to eleven years and I have personally had to learn the hard way not to add anybody else in our two handed circle.
What do I mean? Involving those close to us in our marital affairs especially during those moments when we were not on the same page about somethings. You see, it can be very tempting especially when you first get married to run to one’s parents, close friends or siblings for opinions during any frustrations in your marriage. I know in the past I have been that naive girl/woman that ran straight to parents just because I needed to “vent” or complain about the smallest of issues.
Well, one would wonder what’s wrong with running to your parents to talk about your heart issues? Well, everything about that idea is wrong. When we make the decision to get married, there ought to be a Crystal clear line between extended family and our marriage; something most of us learn after some time or perhaps after many, many mistakes. Everything is between the two unless of course the church leadership or authority is necessary.
As I get older, in fact I find it unloving and belittling to my husband/spouse to share our marital issues (which are non-existent thankfully) with extended family. Truth is, it is completely none of their business. After all, we are two adults that can reason well together, discuss anything that may arise but most importantly know to get on our knees and pray through any difficult seasons that may arise.
As married couples we vowed to leave our parents/families and to cleave to our spouses “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24); just the two of us. That marriage was/is not intended to be an open conference discussion where everyone and anyone has a say or an opinion.
With extra opinions outside the marriage, if one is careful enough to notice, there is bound to be lies, pain or shuttering of a beautiful marriage.
But, there’s a way forward. A beautiful marriage union that is honoring to God can move forward or perhaps be salvaged in this broken world by two broken humans;
Remember you are married to a sinner; aren’t we all?
Remember that beautiful day that gave you butterflies.
Remember the vows made to your spouse before God.
Remember to forgive your spouse over and over even in seasons that may seem hard.
Learn to talk in your marriage.
Learn to listen to each other in your marriage.
Learn to have Grace for one another.
Learn to cling tightly to that person you married; its love not hate that brought y’all together.
But most importantly, remember to take everything to the Lord in prayer “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6) and reminding each other of the truth clearly written in scripture on how God designed marriage in the first place; a man and a woman leaving their parents and working as one.
For parents out there, I hope and pray that you will always encourage your children towards the truth of how marriage is designed by God, encouraging them to cleave to one another instead of running back to you.
Once again, marriage is a beautiful union that I am thankful to have the opportunity to experience with the one I love and adore.