marriage · Our Life

Marriage Without Mentors


During our childhood days, we tend to observe or rather study our parents; their marriage relationship and the eye catching details of it. The good and bad we absorb waiting for a replay in our own lives. One may deny the fact that as children we will or rather try to mimic what we see from our childhood especially in marriage.

Our parents’ marriages can propel us towards marriage or repel us from it.

If there’s abuse or divorce, we may struggle to find marriage examples as mentors. In fact we maybe too terrified to try it ourselves because in our minds we have created a crystal clear picture of what “marriage” will turn out to be.

I am crazy in love with my husband; my Micheal like I love to call him but yet I always have a hard time displaying my affection in public; I prefer not to kiss even in front of our children; why? he is my husband. Isn’t it right to show our children how much I adore their daddy?. But being raised in Africa (Uganda to be exact), our culture was different, our parents never kissed or showed any public affection; I now mimic them despite of my deep love for my husband.

I have heard many times that little boys need fathers and little girls need mothers. I see it now as we raise our children; a little girl and a little boy. Our little Mr. likes to do things exactly the way daddy does; in fact he loves helping me lift heavy things whenever his daddy is at work, he prefers wearing jeans, refuses to use body lotion despite the dry winter months (his daddy does all the above). For our little girl, she tells me when she grows up, she wants to be a writer like me, she wants to work from home and home school her kids, she’s starting to layer her little clothes just like me (I haven’t asked her to do any of these). But yet we see them mimicking us already.

Back to the point, one may ask, what if I don’t or never had mentor? What if my mentors were not worth mimicking?. Perhaps parents that had infidelity issues, fighting, verbal abuse and worse?……..

Christ!!!. He’s the perfect example. The best mentor. His relationship with the church is a perfect example; He’s the groom and we are the bride Ephesians 5:25-27

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

He’s love and through him we are able to love above all the mentors we could ever have in this life.

He has taught us to love

Marriage is a beautiful union ordained by God and only in him we should constantly commit it. By him we should walk allowing him to use us in growing together as couples. Persevering until death do us part

My favorite verse for our marriage has been 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

I hope and pray that despite the kind of mentors we have had in the past, we will only to God and what he has told us to do as married couples. To know that He is the perfect example to mimic.

God bless

3 thoughts on “Marriage Without Mentors

  1. In addition to Christ as an example, my husband and I leaned heavily on couples at our church during the first year of our marriage. They had promised to support us when we married, and they did. They were our examples of solid marriages since neither of us had good experiences in our families.

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