marriage · Our Life

Lessons I’ve learned in 10 years of marriage.

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10 years ago this June of 2018 my groom and I took our vows, promising our love and commitment to each other and instantly became family. That day is one of the best days of my life and I am forever thankful. 

The man I married then, still holds me and calls me his wife and I know that I am one lucky woman.

I am totally still smitten by the guy that smiled long enough for me to smile back. It was hard to get me to smile and I am still thankful for that smile.

The vows we took then, still stand true today and I am thankful to God for that.

Seasons have gone by since that day/ year and I have learned a few lessons;

  • Keeping Christ at the center of our marriage is highly important. As we both look to Christ as the ultimate example of love and Grace, we are constantly reminded of how we are called to love selflessly and in grace.
  • Communication goes a long way; in Marriage, I have been reminded that my spouse just like anyone else is not a mind reader. If there are issues, it’s very important to express myself and be willing to talk.
  • Listening and talking in line with communication; if there’s a need to discuss something, it’s important to listen instead of storming off. This is especially important because when we listen and talk calmly, we showing our love and devotion to our significant other. This has been a learning process for me.
  • Continue to pursue each other just like we did when we first met or when we were dating. I want to desire to look good for my man and vice versa. I want to write love notes and constantly remind my spouse that he matters to me. I want us to share a treat while holding hands. I want us to go out driving to nowhere and chat about life. Its love and we are in love.
  • It’s okay love on each other like crazy. After all y’all are lovers.
  • Learning to enjoy some of the things that our spouses enjoy says more about how far we are willing to go. My groom loves cars; old cars and such. In fact love is an understatement. I on the other hand, know little to nothing about cars or in this case classic cars. But for the love of this man of mine, I will happily go to a car show with him and watch him admire details of these cars. Seeing him smile is enough for me.
  • True love is real.
  • Being married to your best friend makes our days beautiful.
  • Marriage is beautiful.
  • Date each other continuously; date night, a compliment, a passionate kiss go a very long way.
  • Sex must never be neglected; I know that Marriage is not all about sex but I strongly believe now that sex is very important in any Marriage. Tossing it to curb can be draining to a Marriage. Once again, sex has to be a Selfless act of love towards our spouse.
  • My husband is actually human; Ultra strong and touch come to mind when I think of men and sadly, we as women/wives tend to bring this thought into our marriages. We forget to be sensitive towards the men we love. After living with a man I love for 10 years, I can rightfully say that men hurt too, they break and yes they do cry.
  • Apologize when needed; none of us is above apologizing when it comes to our marriage.
  • Forgiveness should never be debated; we are all sinners and are bound to hurt each other in many, many different ways. Forgive again and again if you must.
  • Marriage is not a competition of who wins at or about what. We are in it together for the good of us not just me.
  • Trust is very important; as married couples, we come into these relationships fully trusting our spouses/being trusted and it’s up to us to keep or break that trust.
  • Be slow to speak or rather be watchful of what is said amidst anger. In Marriage, we can build or break each other and I now know that what I say to my husband can build or break him. I choose to build him. After all, he is all mine to love for life.
  • Our marriage is a very important relationship above extended family, children, friends and social media. Giving time and attention to my Marriage is not being selfish.
  • Setting boundaries with extended family and friends is crucial. Our marriage should never be a board meeting discussion for the opinions of extended family and friends unless we both choose to reach out for help. After all, the vows were between me and my husband.
  • We are a team; everything we do is for us. Everything done in our marriage affects both of us. We should continue to work together and not against each other.

Once again, I am thankful for my husband, I am thankful for the beautiful years we have been together, I am thankful for the amazing companion he has been. I am thankful for the father he is to our children. I am thankful for the seasonal road traveled together and I look forward to many, many years of memories together. By God’s grace, I look forward to 50 + years with my hand in my man’s hand.

 

38 thoughts on “Lessons I’ve learned in 10 years of marriage.

  1. Apparently you have learned the secret of a successful marriage in ten years what took me more than fifty and my wife and I are still learning. Great post on what is important in a husband and wife relationship!

  2. We celebrate thirty years this June and I can say “amen “ to all of these especially putting Christ at the center and putting your marriage first before children and family.

    1. 30 years; Wow!. That is beautiful. I would love to have you share your story with us. I would love to read and learn from you. Most definitely, keeping Christ at the center is key.

    1. 17.5 years. Congratulations upon that journey. Perhaps we could learn from y’all. I enjoy hearing stories of those that have been married longer. Like we all know, we learn alot as seasons go by in our marriages. And yes, it’s not all a smooth sailing; two imperfect beings living side by side. I am thankful to God for His Grace and these years.🙏

  3. I love your commitment, dedication, love and joy in your marriage. Words of wisdom spoken, and a light in this world of failing marriages and unhappy homes. Beautifully said! Have a Blessed Sunday!

    1. Thank you Miss Deborah. I like to remember that without Christ, I couldn’t love my husband the way I am called to. I know for a fact that I fail again and again in many little ways but yet I know that I can depend on the truth written down for me in learning how to love anyone. I am thankful that God has given me this man to love, I am thankful that God gives both of us the Grace to love each other in a way that is pleasing to Him. I am thankful that as we love each other, we continue to seek God. This Earth and all its relationships and knowing that our trust is only in Christ gives me hope and joy. I hope you have a wonderful week Miss Deborah.🌹

  4. I definitely agree with the communication component. I think it can be argued that many other important aspects (e.g. respect, sense of humor) can fall under the umbrella of communication. Blessings to you and yours!

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