Like an avalanche, my world was crumbling. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare but no I couldn’t for that was my reality at that moment.
Like I have previously mentioned, our youngest was barely a month and our oldest had just turned 2. “Lord you know they need me, you know I desire to watch them grow, I long to hold them each passing day. Please grant me this one wish of life”. That became me blubbering just in case God had “forgotten” about me and my family.
Knowing that I was very ill caused me to switch into a panic mode but knew that I had to fully trust God’s hand;
- Trust that He knows me and my family and the situation we were in.
- Trust that He was allowing the cancer for His purpose even though it was all fogy in the moment.
- Trust that our children are His and He will take care of them with or without me.
- Trust that God loves me even in sickness.
- Trust that He knows my days and nothing; not even my panicky mode could change His perfect plan.
- Trust that He is good all the time.
- Trust that His hand works not according to my selfish wishes but perfectly for the good of those who love Him.
- Trust that He wouldn’t hurt me. He knows and sees beyond my “plans”.
- Trust that In Him I have life beyond the grave.
- Trust that He is sovereign and Gracious at all times.
Again, through my cancer journey, I was reminded that God is the Potter and I am the clay. He will use me however He pleases. My demands and commands cannot Change His Will for me. Science and statistics cannot measure up to what He has set in our lives. Dying in Him is gaining life.
Trusting in His hand was and is my only option for He is the beginning and the end.
Again and again, I am thankful for His Grace, I am thankful for His love and I am thankful that I am His child.
I pray that when life hits us hard, we will know to remember that He knows, He lives and He is sovereign above all our fears.