In this life, I must say being Motherless has been hard. I thought growing into a woman or perhaps becoming a mother would lead me to forget that void.
I know for a fact that God is sovereign and he has always been gracious to fill in little gaps of motherhood through different beautiful women here and there and I am forever thankful.
I lost my mother at 3 and June 25th I turned 32. I have two beautiful children of my own that call me mama; a word I love to hear over and over. I am thankful for my own babies yet I still shed a tear here and there wishing I had a mama of my own.
In fact in 2009 when we had our first, my beautiful mother in law was just a mother. She did it all for me. Even with the new mama emotions at their highest, she was present but yet I longed to have had my biological mother to be in that place. With my mother in law tightly holding my arm through labor pains, I desperately wished it were my mama. It hurt deep even though I was surrounded by the people that love me.
Many birthdays just like this past one, I have wondered what my mama would have said to me. What her advice to me would have been. What her words of prayer for me would have been. I have wished year after year that every year for my birthday I would wake up to many voicemails from her wishing me a happy birthday or perhaps even accompanied with a silly song; one only a mother could sing for their child.
Now that we are raising our own babies, at times it’s really lonely to know that I don’t have her to count on when I need to cry or complain a little. I will never have that privilege and it hurts.
I know though that God has been faithful through the years. He knows my heart and when it hurts. He understands my frustrations. I know for a fact that He loves me beyond any kind of love this world could offer me; yes even a mother’s love. He will lead me and walk with me always. He works out everything for good not evil. He is God and I will continue to trust Him.
To any Motherless young woman out there, God understands, He loves you, He is sovereign and He will take care of you. Just trust Him.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well