Our Life

On being a Motherless woman.

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In this life, I must say being Motherless has been hard. I thought growing into a woman or perhaps becoming a mother would lead me to forget that void.

I know for a fact that God is sovereign and he has always been gracious to fill in little gaps of motherhood through different beautiful women here and there and I am forever thankful.

I lost my mother at 3 and June 25th I turned 32. I have two beautiful children of my own that call me mama; a word I love to hear over and over. I am thankful for my own babies yet I still shed a tear here and there wishing I had a mama of my own.

In fact in 2009 when we had our first, my beautiful mother in law was just a mother. She did it all for me. Even with the new mama emotions at their highest, she was present but yet I longed to have had my biological mother to be in that place. With my mother in law tightly holding my arm through labor pains, I desperately wished it were my mama. It hurt deep even though I was surrounded by the people that love me.

Many birthdays just like this past one, I have wondered what my mama would have said to me. What her advice to me would have been. What her words of prayer for me would have been. I have wished year after year that every year for my birthday I would wake up to many voicemails from her wishing me a happy birthday or perhaps even accompanied with a silly song; one only a mother could sing for their child.

Now that we are raising our own babies, at times it’s really lonely to know that I don’t have her to count on when I need to cry or complain a little. I will never have that privilege and it hurts.

I know though that God has been faithful through the years. He knows my heart and when it hurts. He understands my frustrations. I know for a fact that He loves me beyond any kind of love this world could offer me; yes even a mother’s love. He will lead me and walk with me always. He works out everything for good not evil. He is God and I will continue to trust Him.

To any Motherless young woman out there, God understands, He loves you, He is sovereign and He will take care of you. Just trust Him.

God bless

Psalm 139:1-14

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well

17 thoughts on “On being a Motherless woman.

  1. I was blessed to have my mother until I was 47 years old, and it still seemed too soon to say our earthly goodbyes. I went to my loving mom-in-law and asked her to put her hands, one on each side, of my face. That’s what my mom did when I needed support or love or understanding…My mom-in-law was kind enough to put her hands on my face and before I thought, I said, “No, it doesn’t feel like my mom’s touch.” She smiled and said, “That’s because I’m not your mom. I love you, but I’m just not your mom.” I wrote a story about the “one tiny teardrop” that will forever be lodged in my heart, and will always be a gentle reminder of the love we shared. God is so good, always, to be right with us when we hurt and His comfort is amazing, just as you know. Loving your babies is a great way to honor your own mom and your love for them shows in your writings. Thank you for this post.

  2. I know exactly what you’re talking about. My mother died when I was 3, too. It’s not that I’m ungrateful or trying to get sympathy and I’m not grieving my life away but I’ve always wondered how it felt to have your very own mother. I am a mother to 2 kids, now adults, so I know this giving side of motherhood but I’ll never know the receiving side. It’s an interesting experience isn’t it? God is good!

    1. God has is good indeed. For years I refused to grieve thinking I would come across as childish and sympathy seeking. But , I now realize it’s okay for me to grieve my mama’s loss, it’s okay for me to cry every now and then, it’s okay to talk about my mama, it’s okay to talk about that void inside but still knowing that God is sovereign above all.💝

    1. Thank you Jessica ❤. I have hurt deeply from this void but I know that God is sovereign and His Grace is sufficient. I trust His hand through this life I live. Hugs sis💝

  3. Even though my mother lived to be 92, I lost her as a five year old when she refused to see the truth. I am grateful for the women I recently wrote about who taught me what a mother’s love looks like.

    1. I absolutely respect your heart in this regard. I know it must have been hard on you to get to that point with your mother, but again God is sovereign. He seals broken bridges in our lives with love and Grace.

  4. I lost my mother long before I lost my mother. I was very badly abused by her starting quickly after I was born. Family hid her metal illness, her drug and alcohol abuses and hushed her abuse of me. For along time I chose not to have a child myself because of what I grew up with. And when I finally decided I was strong enough and healed enough emotionally, was when we found out I couldn’t have children. We may or may not look into fostering or adoption. But understand the hardships of being motherless and being childless. Much love to you my friend 💙

    1. Hugs my dearest Susan 💝. I hurt for your pain. I absolutely understand when family conceals abuse within the circle. Mine was different but I do know how painful it feels to feel betrayed by the very people that should have protected you. One thing I know for sure is that God is sovereign. He knows it all and we just have to trust Him. 💝💝💝

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