2011 right before my liver resection that would get rid of the right lobe of my liver which was all cancerous, I was put on a liver transplant list. Another possibility that we discussed was giving me part of husband’s liver. My thoughts amidst this;
- This was going to be a very painful journey
- It would be exhausting
- I was scared
- There were high possibilities of losing this battle of this life
- I was terrified at the possibility of receiving someone’s liver. This meant someone had to lose a life for me to receive a liver.
- I felt extremely vulnerable and desperate
That season of my life was full of many questions. Despite the fact that I never doubted God’s love for me, Once again there I was with my little faith asking yet again… “Why me Lord?” How was I supposed to give thanks to in this situation? But again, how could I doubt God’s hand in that moment knowing very well that He knows me and all my days are under His Control?
I physically hurt and I was spiritually struggling to grasp His truth. After all He is my shepherd, my guide, my hiding place, my comforter, my heavenly Father. He loves me and would never seek out to harm me. And I honestly had no choice but to trust whatever the outcome was.
I marveled once again at the kind of faith Abraham and Sarah had when they were told of the children that would come forth by Sarah’s womb at a very old age. Something physically impossible but yet they believed. I had to believe, I needed to trust in God’s grace who knows my heart and understood my fears perfectly.
“By your Grace my Savior, give me unshakable faith even when I do not clearly understand where I am heading. Help me to Trust you. One who loved me even when I was unlovable; choosing to die for my sin. Help me to constantly remember your love for me that took you to the cross. Help me to rest in you knowing that you are an all knowing father”. That became my heart’s prayer.
Even after the right lobe of my liver was taken out, I “surprisingly” did not need a liver transplant.
God is sovereign and I can never doubt that. His timing is always perfect and planned. Once again, I am thankful for the gift of life and pray that through it God’s name will be known and His love for us the human race understood.
P.S. The featured image was two weeks before my liver resection surgery and two week after our baby girl was born.