It’s been 6 years since I had a liver resection as I have previously mentioned. My body has healed but yet still graced with a nice size scar along with little scars from draining of the fluid buildup in my belly. It’s hard to believe I was able to patiently go through that season.
Don’t get me wrong, I was no brave cat at all. I spent most of my days crying and scared. I was scared of the needles, scared of my body slowly and painfully fading away to the grave, scared of not having to be present for my children and husband. I was straight up terrified!
Back to the scars. So here I am, standing in front of my mirror staring at the scars that grace my entire belly and I know it’s hard to take in.
As a married person, we must agree that it’s pretty vulnerable to stand naked in front of someone else (our spouse). Even though it’s a beautiful act, it’s exposing ourselves completely; every physical flaw laid out for our spouse to see. This has been hard even though I am daily assured by my groom with love and kindness. So why feel so insecure with my physical being from my scars even though my groom is completely loving? I am a sinner; seeking physical perfection to please the eyes of my beloved. I am broken and lost in trying to perfect that which perishable.
Instead, I should long to be more like Christ, I should long to honor Him in whatever state I stand in; this body that is full of scars, I should long for the day that I will stand in the presence of my father; there I will be whole without a scar, I should long to know more about Christ and without shame speak of Him. My longing ought to change and for that I need God’s grace.
Lessons I have learned from my scars;
- This body just holds my soul
- Most definitely this shell will wither with time
- Never to judge a book by its cover
- Scars tell a story; I have mine in these scars
- Scars are a clear symbol of a healed wound
- If there’s a scar, there must have been pain
- There’s beauty beyond scars says my groom
- I long to be in God’s presence when that time comes; then I shall cease to have scars
- Little by little God continues to bring us closer to Himself; that may be through these scars.
Lessons for my children;
- True beauty is not from appearance
- Life is a gift to be thankful for constantly. If we can still see our scars, that means we are alive. Just be thankful!
To my husband/my groom/my best friend, I thank you for continuing to point me to the truth in times that I have struggled with a body full of scars. Thank you for assuring me over and over.
Even though sometimes I still get caught up in how I look with these scars, I know God is sovereign to calm my anxious heart. I long for peace in Him, I long to be thankful daily, I long to see the beauty in which He created me beyond these scars.
P.S. – These are some products I have used to help with the scars of mine;