I still remember that season of my life like it was yesterday. It was painful and exhausting. It was draining to me and the whole family. It is a season I would take back if I could. But again, I must say that God remained sovereign throughout and taught me to completely rely on Him. I realized yet again how powerless I was if I couldn’t depend on Him and how much I needed His Grace every second of this life of mine.
So, I have mentioned before that I had liver cancer that took me under the knife with a liver resection. However, due to the size of the tumor I needed to undergo a specific chemotherapy treatment that required me to lay still for four days straight! Yap still without a flinch practically because I had a catheter that went through my groin artery to the liver dripping the medicine directly. X-rays we’re taken a couple of times each day to make sure the catheter had not moved.
Cons of my chemotherapy;
- Getting the catheter through the groin was so scary since they numbed me but did not put me under. I got to watch the whole process involving tools I wish I hadn’t seen.
- The medicine made me extremely sick to my stomach. Literally every drop was miserable.
- Laying down still for four days was very painful.
- I had to use a bed pan with the help of the hospital nurses 100%. I have never felt more vulnerable.
- I couldn’t eat or drink because I completely lost my appetite. I am sure anyone would in this situation.
Pros of my chemotherapy;
- I got to be still for the first time in my life; since I was practically stuck in this bed, all I could do was listen to an audio Bible over and over.
- I got to be thankful for the gift of my legs.
- I was deeply humbled due to the fact that someone had to help me use the bathroom and also go to the extreme of wiping me. This in itself still brings me to tears. I am forever thankful for the gracious nurses that helped me through out.
- I got to thinking about what really matters in life. The little things that we already have.
- I decided to slow down. My groom and I became okay with doing nothing over our weekends; just sitting back and enjoy the moment. And that’s how most of our weekends run in our house hold.
- Picked up writing again. I have loved writing since I was a little girl. Being in that hospital bed sparked that passion again because I knew then that I wanted to tell my story, I wanted to say what I wanted to say to my babies while I still could. Beyond blogging, I have journals that I use to say things to my children. I pour out my heart to them. After all, I don’t know what tomorrow has in store for me.
- I became okay with accepting help; normally, I don’t like being helped. I prefer doing things on my own but being stuck in that hospital bed for days crashed that pride in me to letting others do for me what I couldn’t do at the time.
- Once again, I was reminded that this body of mine is just a shell that holds my soul. like grass, it will wither away in God’s timing; my body was withering in that moment even though I knew soul was well.
Despite my experiences at the hospital, there were also the chemotherapy effects on my physical being;
- Sore spots all over my body; head, hands, mouth, and feet mostly.
- Loss of appetite.
- Hair loss.
- Feeling weak; completely weak.
- Lost taste with food; It didn’t matter what I tried to eat, I couldn’t taste it.
- My nails became weak.
- My skin broke out; I believe it’s from the level if toxic chemicals in the chemotherapy.
As I tell snippets of my cancer experience/my story, I hope that you do not feel pity for me. My hope and prayer is to encourage y’all to take care of your bodies and learn to slow down and be thankful for the little things in life. Again, for those that are still fighting, remember that God truly understands your pain and He is sovereign.
God Bless You