Our Life

My cancer journey; chemotherapy

MAMA AND CHEL
4 months after chemotherapy treatment in 2011

I still remember that season of my life like it was yesterday. It was painful and exhausting. It was draining to me and the whole family. It is a season I would take back if I could. But again, I must say that God remained sovereign throughout and taught me to completely rely on Him. I realized yet again how powerless I was if I couldn’t depend on Him and how much I needed His Grace every second of this life of mine.

So, I have mentioned before that I had liver cancer that took me under the knife with a liver resection. However, due to the size of the tumor I needed to undergo a specific chemotherapy treatment that required me to lay still for four days straight! Yap still without a flinch practically because I had a catheter that went through my groin artery to the liver dripping the medicine directly. X-rays we’re taken a couple of times each day to make sure the catheter had not moved.

Cons of my chemotherapy;

  • Getting the catheter through the groin was so scary since they numbed me but did not put me under. I got to watch the whole process involving tools I wish I hadn’t seen.
  • The medicine made me extremely sick to my stomach. Literally every drop was miserable.
  • Laying down still for four days was very painful.
  • I had to use a bed pan with the help of the hospital nurses 100%. I have never felt more vulnerable.
  • I couldn’t eat or drink because I completely lost my appetite. I am sure anyone would in this situation.

Pros of my chemotherapy;

  1. I got to be still for the first time in my life; since I was practically stuck in this bed, all I could do was listen to an audio Bible over and over.
  2. I got to be thankful for the gift of my legs.
  3. I was deeply humbled due to the fact that someone had to help me use the bathroom and also go to the extreme of wiping me. This in itself still brings me to tears. I am forever thankful for the gracious nurses that helped me through out.
  4. I got to thinking about what really matters in life. The little things that we already have.
  5. I decided to slow down. My groom and I became okay with doing nothing over our weekends; just sitting back and enjoy the moment. And that’s how most of our weekends run in our house hold.
  6. Picked up writing again. I have loved writing since I was a little girl. Being in that hospital bed sparked that passion again because I knew then that I wanted to tell my story, I wanted to say what I wanted to say to my babies while I still could. Beyond blogging, I have journals that I use to say things to my children. I pour out my heart to them. After all, I don’t know what tomorrow has in store for me.
  7. I became okay with accepting help; normally, I don’t like being helped. I prefer doing things on my own but being stuck in that hospital bed for days crashed that pride in me to letting others do for me what I couldn’t do at the time.
  8. Once again, I was reminded that this body of mine is just a shell that holds my soul. like grass, it will wither away in God’s timing; my body was withering in that moment even though I knew soul was well.

Despite my experiences at the hospital, there were also the chemotherapy effects on my physical being;

  • Nausea.
  • Sore spots all over my body; head, hands, mouth, and feet mostly.
  • Loss of appetite.
  • Hair loss.
  • Feeling weak; completely weak.
  • Lost taste with food; It didn’t matter what I tried to eat, I couldn’t taste it.
  • My nails became weak.
  • My skin broke out; I believe it’s from the level if toxic chemicals in the chemotherapy.

As I tell snippets of my cancer experience/my story, I hope that you do not feel pity for me. My hope and prayer is to encourage y’all to take care of your bodies and learn to slow down and be thankful for the little things in life. Again, for those that are still fighting, remember that God truly understands your pain and He is sovereign.

God Bless You

 

74 thoughts on “My cancer journey; chemotherapy

  1. Thank you for sharing your “snippets” with us, God has accompanied you to hell and back Blessing you every minute along with way. We all have and AWESOME God looking after us! Grace and PEACE.

  2. Your list of pros of chemotherapy made me cry. How wonderful to be able to grasp on to peace and thankfulness from within a terrible storm. Thank you for sharing this.

  3. Thank you for sharing this painful time of your life. I have a friend who is going through this now and it gives me insight into what she must be going through. It also rings loud in my ears that we are powerless- all of us. Thank you! And btw you are beautiful even without hair!!!

    1. Thank you Patricia. My love and prayer to your friend. Through my own journey, I now know how to honestly pray for my sick friends. I believe it’s important to trust that even amidst pain, God loves us still. πŸ’ž

      1. Thank you for the prayers. She is using her circumstance to glorify God like you have done. I will make it a prayer for her to know God’s love for her in deeper ways. Thank you for the wisdom ❀️

  4. Your are truely inspirational… A salute to youπŸ€—
    Your are an asset to our WordPress family and believe me we all have lots of respect and love for you😊😊

  5. God bless you. I pray for speedy recovery. Analysing the lives of people I know about, I find the dreaded disease does’t discriminate between the good, the bad, the pious or the wicked. All have suffered from the fury of this disease

  6. Thank you for sharing. I love that there are so many more pros than cons and that they’re more permanent. Your cons, I hope will be temporary. πŸ’—

  7. Some lessons seem more powerful than other lessons and this was one of them. Some people seem to just depend on God with no problem and some of us have to be made to see our dependence on him before we learn the powerful truth of His sovereignty. Bless you for sharing your difficult journey.

    1. Thank you very much πŸ’. I have personally had to learn to trust God the hard way. It seems to me like I had to be again a dead end path to truly Trust. I had no other option but to Trust in the one that understands everything about me.

  8. Thanks for sharing. I myself is a cancer suvivor. Your story reminds me of mine.. having a chemotherapy in 2002. I am very grateful to my family and friends who gave me a complete support during my battle with ovarian cancer. Keep fighting and stay healthy. God bless you.

    1. Any courage in me has been by God’s grace. I have crumbled before but then realized my only hope and strength was to Trust the one that knows me; Christ. πŸ’

  9. thank you for sharing your story. I am a survivor ( 17 years) of colorectal cancer. Life is good. I told someone today that as they wheeled me into the operating room I turned it over to God and I knew I had a room filled with invisible saints and spirits that were with me to help me while I was “out” for the seven and a half hours of surgery. It is great to be alive and I give thanks every day.

  10. You are amazing Susan. I mean you have to be for one cannot be so strong like you are. May god bless you always and bless you with a long and healthy life. Much love πŸ™‚

  11. Thank you Susan, we should indeed all be thankful for those times we choose to, or are sometimes forced to, take time out from our daily routine life. It is in these times (particularly the forced uncomfortable ones such as yours) that we can better see how the trivialities can tend to become a major force in our life and how this can pull us away from the truly important things. It can also help us see how important something that we might think of as trivial is – to us, and to God. Things like being able to walk freely, or live without pain/injury, or to just simply spend time alone in His company and listening to what He has to say while there is little else to interrupt us from hearing His voice and what He can teach us about how to live our life. πŸ™‚

    God Bless.

    love.

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