Our Life

Dear Stepmother…


Dear Stepmother,

I know I am a stranger talking about the elephant in the room. Yes, we all notice but refuse to speak. It’s taken me many years to be able to have the courage to do so myself. 

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there are many beautiful hearted women out there that give all their hearts to their step Children but yet the reverse is very true. 

At a very young age, I lost my biological mother and my father remarried; absolutely his choice and I do not question his intentions at that time. This action however would have been fine by me if I had gained a mother, but I didn’t. It was a start of a long childhood that left me grieving the loss of my mother every chance I could.

With that said, I would like to ask you to think about a few things;

  1. Your step child, is just as precious as your own biological children; all created in the image of God. 
  2. Your step child perhaps longs to be loved with a mother’s touch and words of a mother that you are very capable of giving.
  3. Have a little compassion for your step child as you would with your own.
  4. Your step child is your part of your husband’s package that you were very much aware of. Embrace your husband fully by loving his child.
  5. Remember that it’s okay for your step child to grieve the loss of their mother. Their grieving is not an indication of disrespect to you in anyway.
  6. Give your step child a chance to talk about their biological mother. That woman is part of who they are.
  7. Be fair in the way you treat your step child compared to your own.
  8. Keep in mind that your biological children could one day be under the guidance of a stepmother….how would you want them treated? Think about that in regard to the way you treat your step child.
  9. If you don’t desire to love your step child, at least do not break them.
  10. Give your step child a reason to call the house you run “home”. Let your house be a place worth coming back to.
  11. Your step child is actually sibling to your biological children. Don’t let your treatment towards them destroy the potential of a sibling relationship.
  12. Remember, that child maybe Motherless and defenseless but God is watching every second!

Thank you

A step child

P.S. As a step child, I know for sure I was no saint either. There were times when I could have loved my stepmom and I did not. And I hope and pray that as step children, we will daily seek to honor God and our parents in the homes He has placed us.

46 thoughts on “Dear Stepmother…

    1. I believe it must be hard on stepmoms in a way. My experience was different because my mother had passed on. I strongly believe there are many stepmoms that truly love their step children. Thank you for sharing your heart 🌹.

  1. Thank you for this….you and I have had similar experiences. And now, I have been a step mother for over 40 years. I got the opportunity to do it differently…with love.

    1. I used to pray to be a step mom so I could do it differently. But God had a different plan for me. I am thankful that you can do it in a way that is different from your experience. Hugs💞

    1. Thank you Carly. Yes it comes from a sad part of memories but yet thankful for the courage to speak out for those that may not be able to speak up in the moment. Hugs❤

    1. Thank you Avery. Yes it was a difficult season of my life but by God’s grace I speak on the other side. I pray and hope that hearts will change for the little ones that are still subject to that life. 🌹

    1. Thank you David. You are absolutely right. I believe every step parent ought to understand that their step children are part of their partner and know that loving them is loving the person they vowed to love. I know for generations the neglect of step children has been acted in movies but left to the side in real life while many continue to go through seasons of pain. I am a grown woman now but I speak for Children that may not be able to voice their pain/struggles. Thank you again for taking the time to read. 💞

  2. As a step mom, thank you for this. I do not think of my step daughter than anything other than my daughter. Because of my age I’m often given looks when I say daughter and sometimes add in step to make a bit more sense but when it comes to me and her, she was my first child and I love her with all my heart. Though since having a baby my feelings have changed, they have only become deeper and feel an even deeper love than I did before. Maybe that’s because of hormones? I’m not sure but I’m so glad my daughters have each other. My only wish is they would get to see each other more. Hopefully with time they will though. Thank you for this message, everyone deserves to be treated with love from a parent to child regardless of biological connection.

    1. Thanks you very much. It’s beautiful to learn from women like you. To know your heart in this issue. I hope and pray that you will continue to just be mama to your step child. Hugs💞

  3. As a stepmother, who also grew up a stepchild, I accept my stepson as mine as far as I can. There are lines, particularly when the mother is still in the picture, there are lines that are drawn by both sides that need to be there and others that shouldn’t be there and that is sad.

    I’m not here to replace your mother, but to be an extension of your parental unit. I love you as a parent loves you, but I am not your mother. It is such a difficult treacherous line, and I have to pray, I have to pray so often. There are times when I become frustrated, tired of always being the wicked one of the bad guy, and that’s why I started my own separate blog where I can just write about the realities of being a step mom….somewhere.

    1. Hugs 💝. My mother had passed on so I really had no option. I was 3 and still little enough to honestly accept a mother figure. I don’t truly understand the situation where the other mama is still present. Like I mentioned, I strongly believe that the word stepmom should not be a branding for evil. I have personally met women who are wonderful step mothers. Infact most of these families one would never tell which kids are the step children. I believe a child’s biggest need is love despite the circumstances. Thank-you very much for sharing your heart.🌹

  4. Thank you for sharing this! I didn’t have a stepmother but a stepfather. Almost everything you wrote could be applied to him as well. My exception was/is my biological father is still living but never wanted anything to do with me. I always say I had a father who didn’t want anything to do with me and a stepfather who wanted too much to do with me…and a mother who knew but ignored. I’m an overcomer, too. It takes courage to share the pain in your soul that way. It also gives heart to those going through similar pain…so that they can be overcomers, too. May God bless you & keep you!

    1. Hugs my dearest sister.💞. I daily continue to understand the power of forgiveness. Freeing myself to God’s sovereignty. He is faithful to heal our wounds. I hope and pray that we will continue to have the courage to speak for those that are going through a similar path of our past. 💞🌹

  5. Well said. I’ve had two stepmoms, and let’s just say that things haven’t always gone smoothly. The differences made between their kids and “us” was always so painfully obvious, from punishment to things like clothes. It always bothered me since my mom left for good when I was young that people who had an opportunity to fill that void wouldn’t try to.

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