marriage

Marriage; the baggage claim!

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You bet ya! When you took that hand and made the vow and promise of love, you not only took a heart but the entire baggage that comes with that person next to you.

In my case, I know for sure that my beloved groom gained some significant amount of baggage; a Motherless bride that would soon begin a grieving process that never happened during childhood, a childhood abuse survivor with reality and pain to walk through, a bride that was only starting to learn God’s grace and sovereignty through the seasons of pain, a bride that felt worthless from emotional abuse and the list goes on.

Perhaps if my groom had known what he was in for he would have taken a moment to think twice about the claim. I doubt it though; he has never flinched at the reality of holding my hand through my healing process thus fully claiming the mighty baggage that came with his bride.

Many of us come into Marriage with loads of heavy baggage in all types and sizes. I want to encourage you though, that together we are able to walk through it.

Over the years, my husband and I have dealt with these issues in many different ways that have kept us on the same page without literally breaking down or giving up. These are practices that you probably already follow or should;

  • Laying it all out; seriously, we know that we are stuck together. So why not lay down all the dirt and share with our spouse? And spouse, learn to listen. I don’t recall my husband going…” what did I get myself into?”
  • Pray through those baggage claims one day at a time. We have prayed for years and still do; praying for peace, healing and understanding.
  • Cry a little; I mean guys, learn to pour out your emotions as you walk through the season of attacking the various baggage claims.
  • Talk; Many times when I write about marriage, I encourage talking. It’s honestly the best way to communicate and I cannot stress enough how much talking has continued to build our relationship for the past 9 years not only as husband and wife but as friends.
  • Being or learning to be patient with one another; When two people come together as husband and wife, chances are they have different issues from their past. What that looks like or how deep it goes for you, I have no idea. But I know for a fact that it takes patience to work through the baggage. And I believe that if we love our spouse, we will give them time to heal from whatever it is.
  • Being our spouse’s cheerleader; I can guarantee that there’s no better feeling than the feeling of knowing that your spouse is cheering you on and allowing you to deal with whatever it is at a pace of your own comfort. My husband has done that for me over the years.

However, there’s also the practical kind of baggage; the kind that we see and feel and perhaps is guaranteed to give us sleepless nights in marriage;

  1. A spouse that sleeps like a butterfly hanging out in an open spring field; Guilty as charged says my beloved groom. For the almost 9 years of our marriage, my husband’s biggest complaint has been me occupying 95% of our bed and probably a fist in his face. Now that right there has been baggage that one has to daily learn to live with/claim.
  2. The snoring spouse; on the revenge side however, this is my man to a T. If I am not knocked out enough, I am guaranteed a fully relaxed groom in a full blown out snoring world. My choices are usually two; read a book or write until I am able to sleep through my claimed baggage. I like to think of the snoring as a memory building for me and my beloved. I would not want to be anywhere else but right next to my snoring groom in the middle of the night.
  3. The talking spouse; Again, that’s me. My wonderful husband has had to fully claim this one. I do the talking and he does the listening. Yap, this could be your spouse as well. So go on and claim your baggage. They are all yours and the character that comes with them.

The baggage claim issue may sound like a light issue or perhaps a joke, but these seemingly small issues can grow into something bigger thus destroying marriages. Your baggage may be totally different from ours or perhaps you may have better ways of walking through those seasons. Either way, we should not let our baggage claims break the beautiful bond we have through our marriages.

Like I always say, marriage is not a battle field. No one should seek to win. It’s working together for the good of your family.

God bless

 

56 thoughts on “Marriage; the baggage claim!

  1. What a wonderful baggage it is. As much as I miss the first two years of rapidly-beating-hearts-and-butterfly-in-the-stomach days of courtship, I love the story five years on after getting married in which we have grown together and learnt so much from each other. I hear you, Susan. The bond is a precious gift in each of our lives – at least for those who learn to see it for what it is. Beautifully written πŸ™‚ x

  2. I love the way you refer to these issues as baggage! My boyfriends baggage includes being a snoring bed butterfly!! The baggage that comes with me is more emotional issues…and maybe a little snoring from me too!! These are the things that make us stronger and I love them all πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing a lovely post x

  3. Great comparison and analysis. I look forward to learning more of your rhythms and your journey to shed your baggage. It’s not easy, but having a husband who is on the same page and supports you is huge! God bless you.

  4. We were blessed with nearly a year of premarital counseling from our pastor. By the time we married there wasn’t anything we hadn’t already explored together. So we knew we could get through new challenges. We had a workbook and assignments each week. So many couples go into marriage clueless. I am grateful for our church’s insistence on the counseling before any marriage.

    1. Thank you Elizabeth 🌹. Most definitely pre marital counciling is a wonderful process to go through. But, some of our baggage is too deep to put at the table at that point; at least mine was. It’s beautiful to walk through it with the man that loves me .

  5. I love your posts, they’re uplifting. If I ever get married someday I hope I have a marriage like yours – it seems like you both have found “the one.” God bless ya!

  6. What a lovely post, I really enjoyed reading it. We’ve been married for forty years and I could have been reading about our life together, looking at your post. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Now, I am no longer married but I recognize beauty for what it is. Marriage is beautiful and sacred. I wish I knew so much before and during as I know now. This is a large reason why I am hoping to have a second chance at it someday. In the meantime, I encourage all those in there to make the best of it and keep thinking of the spark. I actually coach people going through tough times and when asked about myself, I tell them I have learnt from my experiences. I think an important part is in the preparation to be married, and yes once you say I do claim all the luggage for that should be for life. Thanks for sharing

      1. πŸ™‚ You’re welcome.
        Listen, I feel we’re off to a great start here – how about I invite you both over to my place for a cuppa. I got choccy biscuits! (Or I will have soon. When Ann get’s back from the shops.) πŸ™‚

      1. I have worked in Counseling and your article is well written and on point. Good wisdom! And I have been known to butterfly in my sleep:) My husband traded his snoring for a cpap machine. What a miracle for me! 😁

  8. Good one, the best part is the communication. My wife kept on saying over and over again. I have trust issues, people have had their punches thrown at me. And so I used to take hit after hit, which resulted in me, keeping things at my heart.
    2nd the revenge of snoring, I can so much relate it to me. My wife and daughter I guess so much that I have left with 1/4 or 1/5 of the bed. So lately I was shown a video made my little princess. Baba / Dad you snore so beautifully πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€
    It was the most hilarious moment of my life, watching me snoring big time.

    1. Thank you very much sir. Absolutely communication is very important in any Marriage or even relationship. Your wife/bride loves you for you and I am sure they would love to share the things that are tucked deep in your heart. It’s okay to share the burden of our pain with the people that love us( our spouses). You have me thinking about recording the snoring part 😁.

  9. Spot on post. Over the past few years, some mental illnesses have cropped up (and are being treated), but I asked my husband once would he have wanted to marry me if he’d known that he’d have to be dealing with that stuff later on. His answer was “of course.” ❀ And, oh, that snoring. Whew.

  10. Got married after 30 years of singleness at the age of 60 to a widower pastor who was married for 30 years. Victorious over sexual abuse, God brought us together for His purposes. In 2016 God took my son and mother home to heaven. In November we will be married 5 years. We live in Mexico and God provides us ample opportunities to express our faith with hospitality, kindness, the first Celebrate Recovery group at Lakeside for women in my home and a wonderful church family. God bless you and your ministry, awesome post.

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