marriage

Marriage misconceptions.

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There I was, excited to be wedded to my best friend and the love of my life; one I had known for 6 months to be exact. The words of “concern and worry” started pouring in intending to inform us about the nightmare we were about to glue ourselves into…Yes. Marriage. These were words coming from the ones we expected to encourage us.

In fact I recall perhaps a month before that when two people that we knew and knew both of us well told us our bond was a very bad idea because we are from two different cultures. Me being from across the ocean; Uganda, East Africa and my beloved being from the USA. This really hurt deeper that I would ever admit. At this point, we decided that perhaps these two did not understand Christian bond that unites us as people/human beings beyond cultures. Our marriage had to be rooted in the Bible and the rest would follow.

It is very sad that as people plan on entering marriage, instantly they are told to have an exit plan. I know I was told to just give it a moment and it would happen. For me, I was not going to have a plan B. Even though I can only speak for my marriage, I believe we are all sinners and just like any other relationship of two sinners living side by side, we are bound to experience disagreements not because we are of a different race or skin color. But how we choose to handle them is a different case. Like I have mentioned before, I am not in this marriage to win a battle or perhaps to prove that I am the better one in any way. I do the loving even when I fail.

Some misconceptions;

  • Honeymoon is over after a year into marriage; after almost 9 years of being married, my groom still calls me his bride just like he did that first week after getting married. Yes my feet are not beyond him to rub or perhaps my back. I still like to take care of the little details of his clothes, meals and if he would let me, trim his nails (something he has declined from the very beginning).
  • Instant enemies; Oh yea, I had people tell me that after a couple of months I would totally hate my beloved. It’s been 9 years and I am still waiting on something close to that and I guarantee that I am absolutely smitten by my groom and perhaps I will say that he is my best friend.
  • Marriage steals your Identity; Our identity is in Christ. That means we should never attach a name with who we are. I have my husband’s last name, but that most definitely has not made me less of God’s child, has not changed my skin color from black to white. I am God’s child, a woman, wife to my beloved, mother to my children, a friend, and a neighbor seeking to bloom where God has planted me.
  • Instant friendship with in-laws; this is like the elephant in the room. We all know it’s an issue but yet refuse to address it. I for one will say that being married to the love of my life did not instantly give me extra friends from his family/extended family and the vice versa. The fact is that some of our extended families may have their own “busy” lives and do not care to have a relationship or perhaps just choose not to acknowledge the marriage bond. Yes it will hurt but we have to remember that we are in this as a couple and are not marriage to the extend family as long as our marriage is honoring to the Lord.
  • Cultural differences are a deal breaker; like I mentioned earlier, my groom and I are from two different cultures but that has not affected our marriage in any way. At the end of the day, we believe that we are both human beings laying down our lives for one another with love as we seek to honor the one who made us.
  • There’s no intimacy after children; People jokingly talk about forgetting good sex after children and I say no. My husband and I got pregnant within three months of being married, so that means babies happened for us immediately. Did that change our sex life after baby 1 came? No! Not at all. In fact I would say it got better because at that point we had grown closer as friends and we understood each other’s needs better. My groom understood my needs in the intimacy department and I got to learn more about his intimacy needs and desires without feeling pressured. The nature of being intimate will change once there are little ones around the house but that does not mean it has to completely die out. Intimacy is one of the biggest needs in every marriage and should never be ignored.
  • No need to try after the vows; the vows are the start of something beautiful, something that ought to flourish. It’s amazing how we try hard to impress while dating or perhaps courting our significant other and then completely stop even trying after we are married. After almost 9 years of being married, I know for sure that our spouses feel loved when we try for them.

I know there are many more misconceptions about marriage that you may be aware of. All I know is that marriage is beautifully designed by God and ought to be left in His hands.

108 thoughts on “Marriage misconceptions.

  1. My grandparents were married for 56 years, and for 4 years my grandfather was a POW. My grandmother did not even know if he was alive WW2. They stayed true to one another. Luv this post.

    1. Thank you Sarah. It’s only by God’s Grace that any of us can love a fellow sinner. P.S. I love your smile in the profile picture. If I didn’t know better, I would say you are smiling at me. Lol. Hugs.

  2. That makes me sad to think of people telling you guys you shouldn’t marry because you’re from different cultures. I’m glad y’all didn’t listen to that!

    1. Don’t be sad Erika ๐Ÿ™ƒ. It’s part of rhythm in life. We learn as we go, stumble, laugh and cry. We are crushed but them get up and keep on for God’s grace lifts us. Hugs my dear โค.

  3. Signing that marriage contract is not a done deal. It’s a constant 24/7 situation that needs to be constantly worked at so as to maintain its stability. Think of a gardener who has to tend to his garden often so as to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

      1. You’re welcome. Entering a marriage needs to be done with an open yet realistic mind and with both eyes wide open. In this way, we avoid as much as possible any unrealistic expectations/surprises. The journey will never been totally smooth but at least, it will sail through even in turbulent moments because of preparation.

  4. When we married in the church, many people told us they would be a support during that first year. They kept their word, encouraging us when we hit the potholes expected for two adults living together for the first time. The marriage ceremony also promised that God would be a third in our marriage. That has proved true also. We have never felt that we were in it alone. God is ever present with us.

    1. Thank-you again Elizabeth for your wisdom in this. I believe good godly mentors are a good thing for any young married couple. And most definitely keeping God amidst our marriage is key. We can love only by his grace.

  5. You’ve written a marvelous article again that needs to be read throughout the world. Somewhere along the way we forgot who we are and what God wants for us, we accepted the promiscuity of the world that led to broken homes and children who hunger for stability and love.God bless you and your husband and children as you present this example before the world. My dear husband passed into the next world in January of 2012 after 60 years together. How I miss him!

    1. Thank-you Marie. I am brought to tears of joy with your words of wisdom. Thank-you again and again. 60 years must have been a blessing. I am sure you miss your friend very much. I pray to celebrate that many years with my groom. Many hugs today ๐Ÿ’ž๐ŸŒน

  6. Lovely story. Thank you for sharing it. I’ve been married for (almost) 21 wonderful years. My parents were married for 26 years (my father died three weeks before their 27th anniversary); they were married 9 months after they met – and I was conceived two months after that. People shouldn’t judge. You know when it’s right.

  7. Finding our identity in Christ makes us all the more complete. We stop to search for our perfection in our spouses. You guys make marriage so beautiful…i know it is not soft work, it is hard tiresome and at times frustrating work. but the beauty is in the fruits of that hard work, perseverance, patience and kindness towards each other, forgiveness and forbearing, christian affection and also knowing that you are only human, well humans do what humans do, so no hustle, just let it be, leave peaceably, i cant stop reading and re blogging…the posts are just so beautiful and inspiring…again thanks be to the Lord that you followed my blog…now i follow yours and learn every time i read…now i know that the fight is not just mine and there are people already on the journey i am have started and i get so much hope and courage from reading your blog. bless you indeed.

    1. Thank-you very much for your kind words. It’s only Christ who strengthens us to be more like Him; something we ought to daily walk towards. Yes, marriage is very beautiful even in our brokenness as sinner. It’s beauty comes from the Lord that made it. Thank-you again and have a blessed day.

  8. Oh, amen! I love your mention that “our identity is in Christ!” Sounds like you two started off with the right attitude for sure. My husband and I have been together for almost 17 years now, and we both agree with you completely. May our Father continue to richly bless you in your marriage and in your relationship with Him!

  9. A lovely reminder of true love. I consider myself one of the lucky ones too.. I met my hubby when I was 15 and against all the ‘nay sayers’ and the initial doom and gloom that we faced from our families and friends at the time, we’re still together 40+ years, 2 sons and 2 granddaughters later.. It was definitely love at first sight! xx

    1. Wendy you have such a beautiful story to tell. I pray that your children have seen what true love looks like through you. I never had the joy of seeing that having lost my mama at the age of 3. Hugs๐Ÿ’ž

      1. I hope I’ve been a positive influence in their lives.. I’ve tried. I’m so sorry you lost your mama so young – it’s difficult to imagine what that must be like. Jen my daughter in law lost her mum when she was 13 and thankfully we have her in our lives and can share our love with her too.. xx

      2. I never underestimate mothers. I am sure you have been a great influence to them. True I do miss that lead of a mother and I have pretty much my whole life and it hurts in a way I could never explain but again, I know love from many different women has guided me through different stages of my life and I am very thankful.๐Ÿ’ž

    1. Absolutely. Marriage is ordained by God. And keeping Him in the center of it over the years is the best choice we can make. We are broken in our sin and are most definitely bound to hurt one another in our marriages but God gives us the Grace to love and forgive.

    1. Thank-you very much. I don’t know who I would be or where I would be heading if I didn’t anchor myself in Christ. Most definitely He created marriage and must always be the lead.

  10. Olรก! Loved the post;) My words exactly. ;)I cant say much on the kids department, yet! I have been only been married for 7 months and we are boyfriend and girfriend for almost 4 beautiful years. Stil very much in honeymoon mood. We respect each other, listen to each other, make fun of each other and we above all, protect each other. We are very good friends before beeing husband and wife. In my case, i was received with open arms. Iam black and he is white, and no one saw that has an issue. Marriage, is a beautiful thing, but it requires from both parts a constant maintenance, so that the beauty of marriage never fades away. I can honestly say, that i have found the one whom my soul loves. Beijos ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thank-you Jess. That’s very kind of you to say. Like all human beings, we fail again and again but know Christ can never fail us if we put him in the lead. Hugs๐Ÿ’ž

  11. I loved your blog. Christianity is so much bigger than a tiny thing like cultural differences. Only a person who knows the power of intimacy with Christ can know that it can conquer anything.

    1. Thank you very much. It’s always encouraging to Meet people that understand God’s sovereignty. All of us as His people despite racial differences. Have a blessed weekend ๐ŸŒน

  12. You both seem to have the right attitudes toward marriage. It’s no wonder your marriage has been so successful. All the best in your future years together. ๐Ÿ™‚ — Suzanne

  13. I love your attitude about marriage! I am so glad you stopped by my blog, so I could find yours and read this awesome post! I have friends who are married with 2 kids. The wife is from Kenya, and the husband is from Michigan. They are an awesome couple too! May God continue to bless your marriage and family with love and joy.

  14. I am so happy for you that you and your husband are flourishing! Thanks for sharing and for stopping by my blog and checking it out!

  15. Excellent and true!!! If all married couples would see their identity is in Christ, there would be no divorces! Well stated and may our Lord continue to draw you closer to each other as you draw closer to our Lord.โค๏ธ

  16. This is beautiful! Very well expressed! I just wrote a piece about life after “I Do” and this just encapsulates it. Thank you. I for one am pro marriages and believe they are worth celebrating!!!
    Kudos….

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