There I was, excited to be wedded to my best friend and the love of my life; one I had known for 6 months to be exact. The words of “concern and worry” started pouring in intending to inform us about the nightmare we were about to glue ourselves into…Yes. Marriage. These were words coming from the ones we expected to encourage us.
In fact I recall perhaps a month before that when two people that we knew and knew both of us well told us our bond was a very bad idea because we are from two different cultures. Me being from across the ocean; Uganda, East Africa and my beloved being from the USA. This really hurt deeper that I would ever admit. At this point, we decided that perhaps these two did not understand Christian bond that unites us as people/human beings beyond cultures. Our marriage had to be rooted in the Bible and the rest would follow.
It is very sad that as people plan on entering marriage, instantly they are told to have an exit plan. I know I was told to just give it a moment and it would happen. For me, I was not going to have a plan B. Even though I can only speak for my marriage, I believe we are all sinners and just like any other relationship of two sinners living side by side, we are bound to experience disagreements not because we are of a different race or skin color. But how we choose to handle them is a different case. Like I have mentioned before, I am not in this marriage to win a battle or perhaps to prove that I am the better one in any way. I do the loving even when I fail.
- Honeymoon is over after a year into marriage; after almost 9 years of being married, my groom still calls me his bride just like he did that first week after getting married. Yes my feet are not beyond him to rub or perhaps my back. I still like to take care of the little details of his clothes, meals and if he would let me, trim his nails (something he has declined from the very beginning).
- Instant enemies; Oh yea, I had people tell me that after a couple of months I would totally hate my beloved. It’s been 9 years and I am still waiting on something close to that and I guarantee that I am absolutely smitten by my groom and perhaps I will say that he is my best friend.
- Marriage steals your Identity; Our identity is in Christ. That means we should never attach a name with who we are. I have my husband’s last name, but that most definitely has not made me less of God’s child, has not changed my skin color from black to white. I am God’s child, a woman, wife to my beloved, mother to my children, a friend, and a neighbor seeking to bloom where God has planted me.
- Instant friendship with in-laws; this is like the elephant in the room. We all know it’s an issue but yet refuse to address it. I for one will say that being married to the love of my life did not instantly give me extra friends from his family/extended family and the vice versa. The fact is that some of our extended families may have their own “busy” lives and do not care to have a relationship or perhaps just choose not to acknowledge the marriage bond. Yes it will hurt but we have to remember that we are in this as a couple and are not marriage to the extend family as long as our marriage is honoring to the Lord.
- Cultural differences are a deal breaker; like I mentioned earlier, my groom and I are from two different cultures but that has not affected our marriage in any way. At the end of the day, we believe that we are both human beings laying down our lives for one another with love as we seek to honor the one who made us.
- There’s no intimacy after children; People jokingly talk about forgetting good sex after children and I say no. My husband and I got pregnant within three months of being married, so that means babies happened for us immediately. Did that change our sex life after baby 1 came? No! Not at all. In fact I would say it got better because at that point we had grown closer as friends and we understood each other’s needs better. My groom understood my needs in the intimacy department and I got to learn more about his intimacy needs and desires without feeling pressured. The nature of being intimate will change once there are little ones around the house but that does not mean it has to completely die out. Intimacy is one of the biggest needs in every marriage and should never be ignored.
- No need to try after the vows; the vows are the start of something beautiful, something that ought to flourish. It’s amazing how we try hard to impress while dating or perhaps courting our significant other and then completely stop even trying after we are married. After almost 9 years of being married, I know for sure that our spouses feel loved when we try for them.
I know there are many more misconceptions about marriage that you may be aware of. All I know is that marriage is beautifully designed by God and ought to be left in His hands.