I always say to my beloved husband that “motherhood is a sanctification process for me”. It has clearly exposed the sinful nature of my inner being; I need Christ now more than ever! On the other hand though, I continue to experience beauty from so many little things that come in “my little wrapped up package called my children“. Every single day is like looking at myself in the mirror that mainly opens up everything hidden in my heart. As a mama, I now believe that if someone wants to know who we are, they should just ask the children. They know the raw truth of my happy moments and not so happy moments as well. They can tell how far I can go when my days are bad or good. More so, they daily teach me so much about myself;
- I need the Grace of God. Honestly, how do I stay put together in my motherhood journey without God’s grace daily? Not a chance.
- I am more emotional than I realized; before I had my babies, I used to pride myself as being emotionless. I thought I could choose when to cry, laugh or neither. Literally my motherhood emotions kicked in the day I found out we were expecting our first child. I cried, I still cry over nothing! Like most mamas, I cried when my babies grew their first tooth, when they started crawling, took their first steps, ate their first solid food and more as years go by. Yes I am an emotional mess and I do not mind.
- Terrified of needles beyond repair; should I say that I am a “bad mama”? I knew I was terrified of needles from childhood (having had to get many due to Malaria), but I didn’t realize I would be even more terrified watching another person on the receiving end. To this day, if a shot is required for our babies, I am never present (dearest groom has to take it on). I always believe I could pass out watching that huge needle pock my munchkins.
- I am a strong person; I thought I knew pain until the day I went into labor. Seriously, it was extremely painful and the fact that I could do it for over twelve hours without pain medication still has me thinking I am “it”. Lol. The “macho mama”.
- I am a “good” cook. The fact that my babies can eat what I cook from scratch and proceed to want more says a whole lot. I believe I can seriously cook even though i doubt that myself.
- I am a sleep lover. As we raise our babies, there’s always one beautiful thought on my mind (saved for the day we become empty nesters). Sleep! I realize now more than ever that I miss real sleep; the kind that knocks me out without my head thinking for 8 hours straight. I miss it aloooot!!!!!!
- I am actually selfless; on becoming a mother, I put our babies first way before myself. Something I didn’t realize could truly happen 100%. Without a second thought, as mamas, we happily do it!
- I am most definitely a sinner; I have always known the truth in the fact that any good in me is through Christ. When it comes to being a mama, I am reminded daily of how weak I am and I definitely need him every second of this season of my life. I find that my patience is tested, my “being slow to speak” is tested and most of all loving my neighbor (in this case that neighbor would be my little ones). Yes I am a sinner and I do that which I know I shouldn’t and sometimes I say things out of anger and frustration. Again, I am broken into clearly understanding my need for Christ and to stay in His word constantly.
- I am loved; I always know to expect full doses of kisses every single morning all wrapped up with “I love you mommy” and at times “you are my favorite mommy in the whole wide world”. It is absolutely beautiful!
- I lack complete surrender and trust. This comes in the kind of worry I take on with our little ones. I think too much and I would say try to play out every instance of their lives and then let myself worry. I would say one of my biggest fears, is if I were to die and my children growing up with a similar pain of not having a mother. The kind of pain that I have known since I was 3. It’s always hard but I have to remind myself with the fact that my babies are God’s; He made them and will most definitely always take care of them even without me in the equation. I pray that I will completely surrender into trusting God’s hand in their lives.
“Most definitely, raising children is beautiful but not easy; it’s an ongoing responsibility involving their hearts that need to be nurtured. How can I not be terrified in my human making?…of course I need Christ daily.”
Above all else, being a mother has pushed me to continue to remember my need for God’s Grace in my life. Knowing that His love is always sufficient even through this season, His Word is an armor I need daily as I meditate upon it, needing to stay in prayer. And most definitely to know that His blood was shed for me; my sin and it is paid for.