Perhaps she was tough on the outside and fluffy on the inside, cried a lot , maybe worried quite a bit about life, probably cared very little about make up….I really will never know because I never had the opportunity of getting to know that precious woman that labored with me. I was little when she died.
However, I often wonder if I smile just the way she did, react to different situations like she would have, or maybe get my grumpy attitude from her whenever things are not going well?…that I really don’t know and will probably never know.
Something about me though has to be a piece of her. What piece, I really don’t know regardless of how much I would love to. Again I ask myself, am I somehow my own mother?
Am sure she hurt with labor pains just like I have had the “pleasure” or rather joy to experience(twice), am sure she fell in love with me the moment she held me in her arms, am very certain she honestly prayed for me, worried about me and am very sure she wondered about what kind of person I would turn out to be once I became a lady, or perhaps she dreaded my teenage years or maybe looked forward to letting me “borrow” her clothes and shoes only to hang out with my girlfriends. All of these things I don’t know, and I know she never had the opportunity to experience most of them.
I love flowers, a lot! And yes I do wonder still if am becoming my own mother regarding that.
Am very passionate; I love hard, real hard and my husband would be witness to that and yes the opposite is true too even though I wish it weren’t. Perhaps my mother did too, am not sure?
I know no stranger (for the good or bad). This is honestly one if my weaknesses to say the least. I will introduce myself to a total stranger and before you know it, we are chatting away like we have known one another for a life time. This part of me I wonder if am becoming my own mother?…. either way, am ok with it because I have met the best of friends only by introducing myself shamelessly! Yes even my best, best friend whom I met and introduced myself to randomly in one of my college classes.
There are a lot of things that I could keep pointing at about myself that may or may not be like my own mother, but am very sure my mother was a sinner like we all are. I also know from my daddy and grandparents that my mother loved the Lord and sought to honor Him with her life!……I desire daily to walk those shoes only trusting in the Lord.
Becoming my own mother am sure would be precious, but I also know that is not where my wholeness comes from. It comes from the Lord!
My heart longs to be more like Christ, loving my neighbor like He has loved me (even though I fail miserably at this…the people that know me well can bear witness to this), I long to forgive as I have been forgiven, I long to enjoy serving others, I long to put others’ needs before mine, I long to lift my neighbors up and not be discouraging.
I just long to be more like Christ!!